XXXVIII

Coming to you barely alive and with a swollen jaw from Edinburgh, Scotland, welcome to my garbled thoughts on WrestleMania 37!
In case you haven’t read my Fast Lane post (why would you lol) – please note that I am by no stretch of the imagination in-the-know when it comes to anything wrestling/WWE unless it featured heavily as a storyline in a WWE-spin off ‘reality’ tv show. My opinions are likely to be both loud and wrong. You have been warned.

NIGHT 1

Weather Delay Vs. WWE Network
I’ve never been so glad to be in the wrong timezone to watch a live event. I normally get serious FOMO, and we debated staying up to watch this and if I’d stayed up until 1am and been met with the weather delay, I would’ve given up on watching wrestling forever.
Just kidding. Maybe.

Bobby Lashley Vs. Drew McIntyre
I’m sure this would have been better had I actually been following the storyline leading up to this.
Do they have to design a little gap in each stage for Drew to push that sword through? Or is it a convenient break in the stage materials that would be there anyway? Please tell me. I need to know.

Tag Team Turmoil Match – Lana and Naomi; Dana Brooke and Mandy Rose; Liv Morgan and Ruby Riott; Natalya and Tamina
I actually enjoyed this at the time of watching but just a day later have nearly no recollection of what happened, so clearly I just enjoyed the chaos. Also Mandy fell over on the ramp. Brilliant. Liv and Ruby were a more iconic Harley and Joker than we saw in Suicide Squad but that’s really not saying much. Confusing calls from the announce table that differed to the refs but let’s blame it on whatever curse also caused the weather delay and Mandy’s trip.

Cesaro Vs. Seth Rollins
I heard Cesaro referred to as both the Swiss Superman and the Swiss Cyborg. Surely those two things are at odds with each other? I hope he chooses humanity when the robot wars begin.
Props to Seth Rollins for being willing to be swung around quite so many times and not vomiting all over himself and/or the announcers. Surely this match-up was borne of a backstage bet to see who could go take the greatest number of Cesaro Swing revolutions without the immediate need to ralph all over the ring?

The New Day Vs. AJ Styles And Omos
Big man saves average-sized man by throwing average-sized men pt.1

Braun Strowman Vs. Shane McMahon
Why is Braun’s gimmick that he’s a train? I don’t know if this just doesn’t land in the UK, but all I can think of is the Thomas the Tank Engine theme song. I assume that’s not what he was going for.

Bad Bunny Vs. The Miz
This was… no, I can’t pretend – I didn’t watch this.

Sasha Banks Vs. Bianca Belair
Great. The looks were both on point and watching Sasha and Bianca losing their shit was spectacular, the emotion was palpable from the moment they walked out through to the finale. Bianca’s sheer strength is formidable time after time. I was honestly kind of rooting for Sasha for reasons unknown, but I’d be lying if I tried to claim Bianca didn’t deserve the win here.

NIGHT 2

The Fiend Vs. Randy Orton
This left a hell of a lot to be desired in terms of storytelling. How did the Fiend become un-melted? The poor CGI flame effects were a bit on the nose if they were going for a ‘phoenix from the ashes’ vibe. The Fiend-in-a-box box was an awesome touch that I was kicking myself for not having seen coming, I was hoping for more spring-action than a slow-rise platform, though. Ultimately, the match ended very suddenly and I thought we’d at least get something more than a blackout and both the Fiend and Alexa disappearing. I’m not sure what that… tar? was though – maybe they needed to get her to a doctor or something.

Nia Jax And Shayna Baszler vs. Natalya and Tamina
As aforementioned, my appreciation for WWE was borne pretty much exclusively out of a love for Total Divas (yes, I am a Garbage Person™), so I perpetually feel like Natalya is under-utilised. Both her and Tamina exhibited speed and athleticism that I literally didn’t know either of them possessed, but Tamina was still pretty underwhelming – I’ve always questioned why she’s around (other than family legacy) but tonight was the closest I’ve felt to feeling like her tenure is justified. I’m not there yet, I’m just saying, it’s the closest I’ve been so far to ‘getting’ her. I’m really not a fan of Nia so I’ll skim over here somewhat (again, I’m sure TD has something to do with that). Shayna absolutely terrifies me which is probably just how brilliantly-crafted her character is, and her taking down Natalya to retain the title isn’t what I wanted, but it’s what we deserved.

Kevin Owens Vs. Sami Zayn (w/ Logan Paul)
The only conspiracy here is someone who listens to ska and dressed like Fidel Castro ever wanting to associate with Logan Paul.

Riddle Vs. Sheamus
The doves (pigeons?) flying out of the screen when Riddle kicked those slides off? Stunning. I’m scared of birds but it was a beautiful moment.
I was really taken aback by the brutality of this pairing; countless, hard strikes as the two of them sparred. How do you time an ending like that? It was stark and bloody, and I was very impressed.

Big E Vs. Apollo Crews
Big man saves average-sized man by throwing other average-sized man pt.2 electric boogaloo

Asuka Vs. Rhea Ripley
Honestly, this kind of upset me. I love Asuka. I l o v e Asuka. I don’t buy Rhea pretending to be pinned, she always seemed to have an arm up and ready to piston Asuka off her right before the count was up. It’s exciting seeing Rhea and Bianca really coming up and making names for themselves; I’m excited to see their trajectory. I really hope Rhea gets some new entrance music, though. That live performance was pretty poor.

Universal Champion Roman Reigns Vs. Edge Vs. Daniel Bryant
Nope. While I enjoyed Daniel’s double-targeted yes kicks and Edge’s horrible misuse of seating, I’m seriously sick to death of Jey Uso coming in and tearing everyone down to Reigns’ benefit. It’s overplayed, and I hope Jimmy comes back and smacks some sense into him. I mean even REGINALD knew to keep himself to himself tonight. smh.
Apparently, every time they refer to Edge as the ‘rated R superstar’ I ask my boyfriend why, and he doesn’t know. Can you tell me? I don’t feel like Googling it.

I’d love to say I could rate this but I love a circus so even when things go wrong, I’m enjoying myself. Safe to say that COVID19 has set the bar for entertainment pretty low – that said, I still enjoyed both nights. Sasha vs Bianca’s match was a huge highlight for me, I also really enjoyed Cesaro vs Seth way more than anticipated.

Have some random additional thoughts, on the house!
I can’t wait to see the end of this godforsaken pirate theme but I’m glad they didn’t just trash all the props etc they must have had created in advance for last year.
Unsurprisingly, the hosts have 0 chemistry. Hulk Hogan was a terrible choice.
I’m not really sure what Bailey is doing and why she’s wearing a selection of strange glasses. She sure did roll down that ramp though!

I have a lot to say about some of the gear choices for tonight though. Watch this space. Or don’t. You do you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s